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Smallville Season 9 Episode 12: Warrior

This week, everyone in Smallville/Metropolis just happens to be hanging out at a Comic Book/Sci-Fi convention.  Lois Lane is on assignment, clunking around in a Storm Trooper costume. Yet, she still makes time to encourage Chloe to stop obsessing with her ridiculously bulky brick of a phone and start prowling for dates again. Sheesh, it hasn’t even been a year since Henry “Jimmy” Olsen has been cold in the ground or since Chloe stopped boinking Doomsday on the side. Good call, Lois.   

Meanwhile, a 12-year old kid named Alec Abrams steals a collector’s comic that’s under lock and key in a glass case entitled “Warrior Angel.”  After speaking aloud the words “Angel’s Might,” Alec turns into a super hero, just like Warrior Angel.  And also like the comic book superhero, the protagonist is really just a kid who, after speaking the magic words aloud, is transformed.  (This seems to be Smallville’s continuation of nods to the DC Universe, with Warrior Angel being eerily similar to “Shazam.”

Back on the floor of the convention, Chloe almost gets flattened (like Lana Lang’s parents did during the meteor shower! Ooh! Throwback diss!) by a giant falling planet prop, however a masked super hero — Alec with his new superhero duds — saves Chloe in the nick of time. Afterwards, Chloe follows Warrior Angel where he’s getting changed and examining his new, adult body.  Startled at seeing Chloe taking a peek at him, Alec tells her that his name is Steven Swift.  In turn, she tells him that she knows quite quite a bit about superheroes and wants to grab some coffee. “Steven” obliges and takes her up on the offer, excited at the prospect of hearing all about superheroes. 

Chloe seems quite smitten with “Steven,” not knowing that she’s cougaring it up.  They grab some coffee (which Alec/”Steven” then spits out, trying to be all sorts of tough guy and drinking it black), and “Steven” tells her his origin story.  He’s an orphan who came to Smallville to live with his aunt (which actually is true) and that he gained his powers in a chemical fire (not true).  He’s bummed by the fact that Chloe knows superheroes and yet she sounds bored with them.  He excuses himself after his bionic hearing leads him a gang of bullies harassing a kid.  The Warrior Angel then metes out justice by doling out an atomic wedgie that hoists the bully into the air. 

Meanwhile, Clark is busy being The Blur and shows up late to his Daily Planet assignment to cover the Comic Con with Lois.  She calls him and asks him to bring her a garment bag in her apartment.  After spouting off about fantasy and not being so rooted in reality being good for Clark, Lois ducks into a men’s bathroom at the convention to change out of her Storm Trooper costume and into a cut-rate Xena/Wonder Woman amalgamation of a costume.

Clark is then forced to take a picture of a scantily clad Lois alongside a beefy 300-wannabee.  Any potential twinges of jealousy are about to be returned when Clark runs into Zatanna, everyone’s favorite female magician.  Asking to borrow Clark for a minute, Zatanna tells Clark that dear ol’ dead Dad went on a cursing spree in his 20s and now she’s tracking down items he cursed. One of them is likely the comic book that Alec Abrams/Steven Swift snagged.

When she gets Clark alone under the premise of finding the cursed comic, Zatanna listens to him talk about the lecture Lois gave him on fantasy.  She tells him that creating other people’s fantasies has made her immune to letting her mind wanter.  After Zatanna gives Clark a pep talk, she works a spell on him and they start making out big time with Zatanna straddling him.  Clark snaps out of it and tells her he’s with Lois before rushing off shamefacedly to the Daily Planet. 

At work, he encounters Lois who claims she’s not jealous of Farm Boy hanging out with ol’ Fishnets.  She also tells him that the aunt of a boy named Alec Abrams, the thief of the comic book, filed a missing persons report.  Now they have to find the kid.

He’s busy playing video games with Chloe, who didn’t quite have these sort of games in mind when she asked him to come over to her place.  Then again, she should be glad they stuck with “Dance Dance Revolution” and not the “Pants-Off Dance-Off” or else she’d be sharing a cell with Mary Kay Letourneau about now.  Seeing that his date is bored, the still-adult “Steven” uses his Warrior Angel powers to take Chloe flying over the city of Metropolis.

Meanwhile, Clark and Zatanna are discussing their makeout session and how uncomfortable it’s made him in his relationship with Lois when Chloe busts in, all giddy about her awesome date.  Clark and Zatanna burst her bubble when they tell her that the guy she had a dream date with isn’t even legal and is the victim of the cursed comic book.  She also finds out that the comic book isn’t the origin tale of a hero, but rather the tale of a birth of a villain, Devilicus.  Warrior Angel is on par to become a demonic super villain.  Great.  It’s like Doomsday 2.0 for Chloe!

Chloe then tells Alec that she knows his real name and that he stole the book and that he obtained his powers through the cursed comic book, urging him to give up his powers and become a boy again.  He tells her that he doesn’t want to be normal again and bullied, or go back to his crappy old life.  As his anger grows, Alec gets all veiny and his eyes turn red as he tells her no one will ever make fun of him again as he turns into “Devilicus.”

Just as Chloe almost gets pushed off of a piece of Metropolis skyline, Zatana casts her spell in the nick of time, turning Devilicus into widdle Alec once again.  Chloe plummets below and Clark swoops up and saves her.  Returned to his 12-year-old state, Alec tearfully gives Chloe a hug and tells her he’s sorry he almost killed her.

Clark takes Alec back to the Kent Farm until his aunt arrives to pick him up at the Daily Planet.  In the farmhouse loft, Clark and Alec have a heart-to-heart about what it means to be a hero. In return, Alec gives him a drawing of a man in glasses, wearing a costume that looks like the traditional blue Superman look, complete with flowing red cape.  He tells him that he likes the “S” on Clark’s costume better than the initials he drew on the chestplate of the hero in the picture. Clark seems to really dig this picture and puts it in his pocket, possibly to take to a Kandorian tailor at a later date.

Back at the Daily Planet, Zatanna stops by and wants to return the favor to Clark for saving her so many times.  He tells her he’d prefer to find his fantasy elsewhere, glancing in the general direction of Intrepid Reporter Lois Lane.  Zatanna walks away as another girl banished to Clark Kent’s “friend zone,” but not before she tells him to make sure Lois knows exactly how lucky he is, smiling as she exits stage right. 

Afterwards, Clark confesses to Lois that Zatanna smooched him but it was not his intention and he felt horrible about it.  Lois claims that she knew something was up and that Ms. Magic had designs on Clark the whole time.  In retaliation, she grabs a good looking fellow Planet reporter, bends him backwards and plants a sloppy one on him.  Seeing the hurt expression on Clark’s face, she tells him they’re even and that the look he has on his face says exactly how she felt.  However… Moving on… Clean slate! 

Back at the Watchtower, Oliver is shooting arrows and Chloe walks in, talking about her good date turned bad with Super Cub.  She laments that when Alec asked her when was the last time she had a good time, she didn’t have an answer.  Sipping some hardcore alcohol on the rocks, she and Ollie commiserate over being the misunderstood, dateless wonders of the super group.  As Oliver slowly shows Chloe how to knock back an arrow after knocking back drinks, it’s almost implied that these two just might be knocking boots next as the entire sequence is rampant with double entendre and a metaphor for release of sexual tension.  I, for one, am all about the Chloe/Oliver pairing.  After both of them had been relegated to “Just Friends” status by Clark and Lois, it’d be nice to see these two together.  Then again, this is Smallville, and it is Chloe… And you know how the writers love to end relationships badly — or with one or more of the parties going bad.

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